To Live Again
by rEd RoSe-StArFiRe-RoSeFiRe
Summary: 'So hard. It was so hard. Why was it so hard? To Live. Again... Because she was different.' Chad's thoughts after Sonny breaks up with him, as he attempts to figure out his feelings about this situation. Post Sonny with a Choice. SxC


**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonny With A Chance, Disney does. I'm just using the characters to write a story that hopefully makes people dream even larger.  
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**Happy New Year everyone and welcome 2011! I wish for everyone to have a new year filled with surprise and delight! This one shot was inspired by the Sonny With A Chance episode: Sonny with a Choice where Sonny and Chad break up. I am trying to capture the essence of Chad's heartbreak after this unexpected turn of events when he was trying to make things normal. Don't worry, it will have an ending which I hope everyone will be happy with. **

**I tried something a little different with this, and I hope that you all like it. I only have one wish from my readers: a long review. I have never received a very long review, and I knew that reviews that are long and have a lot of time spent on would mean the world for me. My confidence comes from my readers and reviewers who always have amazing words to say that make my smile widen even more every day. **

**So, please enjoy my newest one shot.**

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_To Live. **Again.**_

_by: 'rEd RoSe-StArFiRe-RoSeFiRe'_

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So hard.

It was so hard.

Why was it so hard?

_To  
_

_Live._

_Again.  
_

What was it about this that made it so hard for me to think, sleep, breath?

Why was it like the breath was knocked out of me? Why was it like my days were suddenly always dark, with no sun shining brightly down on me? Why was it extremely hard to move on?

All these questions starting with 'why' only exacerbate the situation, deepened the pain I felt inside. I would like answers for the questions, but I knew that it was because

she was different.

She who waltzed into my life and took my life like it was nothing fragile.

She tossed it around, held it to her heart and then shattered it indefinitely.

Who was she to take my heart and break it into a million pieces? Who was she to haunt my dreams and every waking moment of my life? Who was she to distract me from doing what I do best? Who was she to guilt me for every action I ever did?

Who was she to take my heart and keep it in her possession forever?

I knew that everything I was feeling now was because of her. Her with her wide innocent brown eyes, who smashed my soul when she said those words.

_You won the recount, but_

_you lost __**me.**_

She was wrong; I didn't only lose her but I lost myself. She stole my heart and kept it in her possession. She acted so innocent, but she knew her affect on me. She was able to manipulate me because she was my life and I would do anything for her.

I tried, honestly tried to keep it together when I acted but I knew that everyone could see through the facade I put on. No matter how hard I tried to act, I couldn't act that this heartbreak was not affecting me because this concerned my life, my soul. I wanted to live again.

She looked at me, her wide innocent eyes I swear are pulling me in to her trap. Those same innocent eyes that looked to me and said that I lost her.

_No second chances this time._

I secretly wish that she was wrong, glancing at her from our table. She evades my gaze looking down at her food, absentmindedly swirling her fork in her noodles.

She was a better actor that I gave her credit for, pretending that she was grieving as well for our untimely end of what we had. There was no way that she could be grieving for something she did.

I see the blond girl lean over and whisper something into her ear, which makes her look in my direction.

We connect through our eyes and I swear that I felt something jolt me aback. I swear that, no matter how far apart we were – we would always be connected. It was a wondrous thing really that a simple normal girl from Wisconsin who has a craze for mooing cell phones and a love for cheese would decrease me to this state.

To a state where I depend and live off of her voice and everything that reminds me of her. No matter how much I want to hate her for hurting me like no one has ever done, I can't.

Because she has my heart in her possession and only she had the power to make me or break me.

And I knew that from our gaze.

I see her stand up from her seat and walk towards the exit. I realize that I had to say something, tell her off or something. I needed to hear her speak to me, even if she was acting as if she cared.

I stand up, following in pursuit when I felt a tight grasp hinder me from leaving. I look behind me when I see my entire cast mates, and the girl who held my arm with her firm grasp, curling her perfectly manicured fingers.

I could see what they were warning me of, I could see what they were telling me to do. I could see that they didn't want me to get involved again with someone who could actually hurt me, because if I did, it would affect the number one Tween Drama.

I looked at them with a fierce glance, "I don't care."

I pulled my arm from her grasp, resulting in a barrage of echoing gasps. I didn't care; I wanted to be able to live again. Looking out again to the door, I see a brief image of brown hair.

I run to the exit of the cafeteria, not caring about what people thought. I knew that I needed to make this pain go away, this need to make sure my life was in good hands – which I knew was. But I needed something to make sure that I can live again.

Make sure that I can dream, breath and sleep well again, without having this suffocated feeling.

I run out and bump into someone. I looked down at who it was and see it was her.

Her back is turned away from me, and I could hear a faint sniffling from her direction.

I hesitantly put my hand on her shoulder, when she immediately flinched at the contact. She turns around, her eyes wide but she calms down when she sees that it is me.

I could see the internal battle going on within her, whether or not she should stay or leave. So I made the decision for her.

"Stay."

She looks up into my eyes and we connect again. And at that moment, the heartache, the pain, the grievance – it all went away. It didn't matter anymore. It didn't matter that she has my life in her possession and that she shattered it, leaving me to be walking around without a life.

All that mattered was that she was here in front of me.

I let out a heavy sigh, when she looks at me under her full eye lashes. Her voice rings in my ears, serving better than my memory.

"I miss you."

And at that moment, I knew that she was suffering as well. The way her lips trembled, her eyes watered and she hugged herself tight. She was no actor, of course she wasn't. She was not acting at all.

I smile slightly at her, pulling her closer to me. I smell her, a mixture of jasmines and cheese. Unable to help myself, I chuckle.

She looks up at me, with her wide innocent brown eyes pulling me in.

And I knew now that she held no trap for me. That she cared for me as much as I cared for her.

"I miss you too."

And that was the plain truth – no doubt about it. I wanted to say more, but I knew that silence was what we both needed. As we stood there, her arms close to her and my arms around here.

Silence was comforting, as I realized that I felt whole again. No matter how many questions I still had, it would all be fine because

I won **her **back, along with my life.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

Why was it not hard?

It was not hard.

Not hard.

_To  
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_Live._

**Again.**

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**Always exploring and unleashing,**

**ღ 'rEd RoSe-StArFiRe-RoSeFiRe'**


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